4. I was missing out on real connections.
“As soon as I felt sadness or anything other than elation, I would find somebody to flirt with. Sex and love addicts can have unhealthy relationships, and we can create drama to escape negative feelings. When I’d meet someone I was attracted to, I’d get a jolt, like a cattle prod. I would assign magical qualities to them, and the moment they didn’t live up to that fantasy of being there for me all the time (texting me back instantly and all those unrealistic things we put on other human beings), the high wore off, the butterflies dispersed, the bottom would drop out, and I would see the real person. It was like the drug was gone, so I’d think, Who’s my next victim?
When I hit my bottom, I thought, Am I going to be on my deathbed having never fully connected to another person? I realized I was going to do this forever, and I decided I couldn’t.
There’s so much shame around being a sex and love addict, especially as a woman, but I refuse to have shame over this. Today, I’m fully connected to everyone in my life. I’ve been happily married for 18 years, and I have a son that I show up for 100% emotionally with clear boundaries. I have stable relationships with my family of origin. I have no one in my life that causes drama. I am free from the bondage of my own making. It’s a beautiful way to live, no longer using other people to complete me. I’m whole.” —Brianne D., 41